Do you love bacon? Then why don’t you marry it! While we suspect marrying bacon is illegal in most states, apparently being buried in it is not. The Bacon Coffin from J&D Foods offers true bacon lovers the chance to spend eternity with their favorite pork product for the low, low price of $2,999.99. SERIOUSLY?!

The two men (surprise, surprise) behind J&D Foods believe that everything should taste like bacon. They started with bacon salt and have since expanded to include other bizarre, bacon themed products (lip balm, anyone?), including this steel casket, finished with a bacon and pork shading. It even comes with a bacon memorial tube and a bacon scented air freshener. SERIOUSLY?! If you are dead, how can you smell it? They might be on to something though, because if you love bacon so much that you want to be buried in it, we are betting that you might get your wish sooner than you think with all that cholesterol. We think that, for nearly $3 grand, this is a fine example of 'porking' the public. $2,999.99 at www.jdfoods.net.

Cold weather can do strange things to a body – red noses, chapped lips, shrinkage in the (ahem) southernmost parts of a guy's anatomy. But, thanks to some creative knitters who, in our opinion, might have a little too much time on their hands, men can cross that last one off their lists of cold weather woes. "Willie Warmers," and "Peeter Heaters" are just a couple of examples of knit covers for the male appendage that keep it nice and toasty in the chilliest of conditions. SERIOUSLY?!

Okay, we understand earmuffs, scarves and mittens, because those appendages are on the exterior of our bodies. But, unless you are an exhibitionist, is this little "warmer" really a necessity for men? Isn't that what long underwear and, well, PANTS are for? Plus, depending on the type of yarn used, it seems like this little "cozy" could be a bit irritating. And, speaking of irritating, we are having a hard time warming up to the $15-$32 price tags. A sock is cheaper. $15-$32 at www.etsy.com.

Hey Twitter fans! We know how much you love "tweeting" about your every move and thought. But, what about those tweets that aren't so sweet (like the one your boyfriend did to break up with you)? Rather than delete them, take those crappy tweets and turn them into toilet paper, thanks to a company called (what else?) Shitter. SERIOUSLY?!

With a tag line of "Social Media has never been so disposable," Shitter allows you to have a roll of toilet paper printed with your own personal tweets, your timeline, other people’s tweets – if you can follow it, you can now wipe with it. Again, SERIOUSLY?! While we get that there would be some sort of perverted pleasure out of wiping up with that bad breakup feed, we just can't imagine why someone would spend $35 on a four-pack of toilet paper. We think that's just flushing your dollars away! Ironically, you have to "log" into Twitter to purchase it at www.getshitter.com.

You know how annoying it is when you set your beer down at a party and then forget where you put it? Well, here’s something more annoying: the remote controlled Beer Pager. This charming little drink holder emits a loud belch and flashing lights to alert you to the whereabouts of your lost beer — and everyone else to your stupidity. SERIOUSLY?!

This seems like one of those ideas conjured up by a bunch of drunk frat boys at 3 a.m. Who else would think a belching beer holder was a good thing? Of course, if someone is drunk enough to lose their beer, we can’t help but wonder how they will keep up with the remote part of this device. At $24.95, doesn’t it make more sense to just buy another beer? $24.95 at www.skymall.com.

In what could only be invented by the owners of a strip club, Mavericks Revue Bar (Cape Town’s premier gentlemen’s club) has introduced a line of men's cologne, called Alibis, fragrances designed to trick wives and girlfriends everywhere into believing that their men weren't really at the nudie bar! SERIOUSLY?!

Available in "My Car Broke Down," which is a blend of fuel, burnt rubber, grease and steel, "I Was Out Working Late," a combination of coffee, wool suits, cigarettes and ink, and our personal favorite, "We Were Out Sailing," that combines fresh ocean spray, sea salt, aqua and cotton rope, these colognes are all designed to cover up that tell-tale strip club smell. Again — SERIOUSLY?!

Just how stupid do these men think we are?! Any woman who believes her man was out sailing until 3 a.m. because he reeks of some faux sea spray, has bigger problems then her honey hangin' at the topless bar! Maybe something like "I’'ve Been at the Movies," with the smell of buttered popcorn, would be easier to swallow — but, not by much. All in all, we think these alibis are completely unbelievable! (And, there's no way we're giving you the address of this gross website — You have to physically go to Cape Town to buy these anyway.)